By: Jessica Marshall
Ever since I was a kid I’ve been colouring my hair.
And I really mean “ever since I was a kid”. I remember the first time I ever coloured my hair was for my friend’s Spice Girls birthday party, (Yes, I’m that old, and that British) and with the permission of my mother, I dyed my hair a vibrant shade of Crimson. My Ginger Spice costume was complete. My friends were wowed. Awed even. I was the coolest 12-year-old ever.
My crazy hair became my calling card all throughout high school and my early twenties.
I’ve stained so many towels that I have a dedicated black towel now in my collection. But more recently I’ve been allowing a professional to handle things for me. After a stint of rocking my natural black-brown locks, I’ve been various levels of blonde for four years now. After seeing how beautiful my professional balayage came out I vowed to NEVER bleach my hair at home ever again.
Then enter COVID-19. Lord of the shutdown. Scourge of the land. Destroyer of nonessential businesses. And I’m stuck at home, staring at my grown-out roots, and boring badly-toned blonde and feeling like I need to do something to keep myself sane.
I need a change.
I need to feel in control of my own life.
That is where you enter stage one.
1. Desire:
You take to the internet. You use Pinterest for the first time in six months. You find the prettiest photo ever and decide that yes, you want fire hair. You order two bottles of dye in red and yellow (ooooh). But it’s going to involve bleaching your hair a bit. That’s terrifying, but you got this.
2. Excitement:
You rush to the nearest store. Which happens to be Walmart, because it’s practically the only thing open right now. Since the beauty supply stores are closed you are forced to choose between box dye and.. box dye. Your hair colourist is going to possibly kill you. But YOLO. We’re in a shutdown, what’s the worst that can happen? Hair grows back right? Yes, yes it does.
3. Delusion:
You’re in front of the mirror at home, clutching your mixing bowl. You can totally do this. You’ve watched your stylist. Asked her questions even. There are even tutorials on the internet. You’ve seen enough Brad Mondo to know what NOT to do, right? After all, you know your hair the best.
4. The Moment of no return:
You apply the first stroke of bleach. You’re a cool, calm grown-up. You did a strand test. You even use foils. Look how cool you are. So cool. You even set a timer. You’re a genius.
5. Fear:
Oh dear GOD has it been 30 minutes already? You’ve only done half your head? How do hair people manage this? You’re fully convinced your stylist is a wizard. You open the foil and peek.
6. Denial:
It’s fine, it’s not bad, you can do this. This is fine. It’s all fine.
7. Regret:
I should probably have just waited. Lockdown won’t be forever. Who is going to see your hair anyway?
8. Bargaining:
It’s fine, the whole idea was to put colour over the top anyway, who cares what the bleach looks like? You wash it out. It’s fine.
9. Panic:
It’s completely not fine. There’s mostly definitely a dark patch here. Your hair feels like straw. (Hair Wizards, HOW do you do this?). But you’re too far gone now, you’re committed. Time to add the colour. You smoosh it together. The weird patch will get covered up by the funk colour. You hope.
10. Acceptance:
The weird patch gets covered up by funky colour! (somewhat) You were right! You’ve levelled up and have now become the coolest fire-haired person on your street. You are a strong, independent, powerful force of fire and humanity.
Pity that no one is going to see it for a while though.
- Jessica Marshall
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