by: Saz McKean

 It is no secret that mental illness is common in LGBTQIA+ youth; suicide rates and many mental illnesses are at a higher percentage compared to their cis heterosexual.

 Mid-June, I attended a Pride panel called LGBTQ+ Mental Health: What We Need to Know. The three panelists included Stacey Chomiak, an author & illustrator; Melanie McGregor, from the Canadian Mental Health Association; and Phi Trân Trinh, from the Positive Space Network.

 Stacey spoke about her new children’s book, “Still Stace,” and how it came about. She talked about growing up in an environment that was conservative, around Christianity and church. I really related to her about how she was seen and thought of herself as “a good church girl” until she was a late teen when she realized that she didn’t have crushes on boys like her peers did. When she described how she felt that she was not normal, and something was wrong with her, it hit a bit too close to home.

 I love going to panels, especially ones on topics I can relate to, because I can get multiple perspectives and, on occasions like this one, feel seen. Though I in no way was in the same Christian community or deep into my beliefs as Stacey Chomiak, it made me feel relieved to know I am not alone.

 I never went to church, but I went to a Christian summer camp that did bible study and worship and did prayers before food. Yes, my parents signed me up for camp, but it was because I said I wanted to go. I mean, it was still a summer camp: I canoed, I played beach volleyball, I did arts and crafts, and I ate in the dining hall. There was just a sprinkle of Christianity in there.

I found faith and built beliefs through guidance; faith and beliefs that are still rocky with me.

I found out in my last year there, already a couple of years into questioning my sexuality, that these women and allies of the LGBTQ+ community were not returning to camp the following year. These women, who I still look to as role models and sisters, would not be there to make those Muskoka trees and grounds a safe place anymore. I learned, from what I remember when I was an angry 15-year-old teenager, that if camp leaders wished to continue working, they were not allowed to be lesbian or bisexual or anything related to the LGBTQIA+ community. I didn’t return the next year, having originally planned to become a leader myself. I know it wouldn’t be the same.

A common and strong theme of loneliness and separation came into the discussion between the panelists. How it can be, and usually is, debilitating to the mental health of LGBTQIA+ youth. Despite how diverse the LGBTQIA+ community is, there is still a lack of common knowledge in society, and people need to seek out information about the community. This is why queer and gender diverse representation and education are so important; why books just like “Still Stace” are so important. Having that similar experience, seeing it in a book, tv show or article, is so important for youth in the queer community. Stacey spoke much about how she went looking for others that were experiencing or had experienced something similar to her and how that helped her immensely in finding herself.

 As somebody that sought out their own faith and beliefs, somebody that still struggles in that department, I lost a community for a bit, but then I found another that welcomed me readily; a community where I found my closest friends and mentors. I consume a lot more queer books and media than anything else, finding my friends on the pages and on the tv screen or even myself. I might still close my eyes, hoping to find safety in the faith I used to fall back on, but it’s different. I’ve come to accept that some people can patch their relationship with the deity/deities they used to worship and that some never do.

 Everyone’s experience is different, though sometimes the differences can show support in ways to find understanding. Whether that’s to understand your sexuality or gender, even to understand how those things affect relationships with friends, family, and sometimes God.