“I’m good at pretending to be an extrovert but in truth, I love being quietly tucked away with whatever I’m currently entertaining myself with (read: obsessing over). Art, books, games, Netflix, the internet. I can entertain myself forever. Being locked at home is a blessing for me, but not so much for my family. In particular, I have a brother who is not taking it well.

Many people are having a hard time adjusting, and to add to it J also has a slew of mental health problems, which have their own demons attached. And now, like so many others out there, he has had all of his social outlets and coping methods removed in one go and he has been plunged into isolation with no human connection. As a result I am living with an anxious mess who can’t understand why I am “fine”. He believes my non reaction means that I don’t care, and has become increasingly agitated by my chill.

The last two weeks have been hard with the shift to online learning. To be around always, but be “unavailable” is not a concept that J understands. It has led to interruptions and demands, and fights over why I cannot drop everything “right now” to go get groceries. He is seeing disaster everywhere and has been continually rearranging the pantry and doing dishes at 5am. I just want to do my homework in peace and try not to sleep too much. We are at an impasse. 

I think its interesting how periods of high stress bring out the worst in us. He has become agitated and reactive, and I feel, well, blank and overwhelmed. Fatigued. I am afraid that this mess is making me cold. But the truth is I’m not, that’s just my defence mechanism.”

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